Question by a PooraPagal Visitor :

Age:: 12-18

Gender:: Male

Ethnicity:: Pakistani / Indian

my dad is a limo driver with a family of 8 peaple residing in usa. till today he has mantain his livings on credit card since his needs are alot more than what he earns. he’s now at the age of 58, few weeks ago he had an accident, thank gad no physical gamage occur beside financial.
Now he’s out of work no pay checks at all, plus he has around 60 thousand dollard credit debt on him. Credit was developed to do 6 kids immigration to US.
but after kids come to usa and got education they took there own way and debt kept on rising.

Elder sis is married and not employeed. elder brother gone to Canada since his wifedoes have immigration of USA. he doesn’t support either.
I am on third place, i been working from last two years, i get check of around 2 thousand dollars,
one thousand i give to dad, and left over money i put in safe deposit.
Now after two year i could only save
10 thousand dollars. and im age to 25 plus my parents are looking some body so they get free from their obligatoin.

Meanwhile , my dad is in worries, he don’t know how he’s going to survive, how is he going to pay this monthly bills, plus hes out of job.I dont understand how can i help him in this matter. he claims that i should be giving him my all earning since beginning.(i dont know how much he’s right when he says that?)

Anyways,now that i have ,000 should i offer him that money, in this situation or no. My mom , my brother-in-law and elder sister always say that whatever i earn i should save caz im going to need when i be getting married or in future.

And i also know if i give to dad everyhting is going towards debts and still we get out of nothing. When its time for wedding we will take debt again. then whos gonna take it off.
I have other one sis and brother they go to high school they are kids they can’t do anything. and one brother has passed away.(may god give him peace amen)

I know from this accident dad’s gonna get some money but that will come after some months upon his eligibility.

its been two months his home no car as of yet.plus credit card bills. his mentally worried.then taking money from daughter when she’s in age of marriage is also a big issue for him and it hurts his ego. his elder son dont support him ,neither he can(he himself is just hand to mouth).

What should I do , please suggest me something valuable?

My dad ask me everyday that no body is helping him out, and no one wants to listen where he stands plus no one take interest in these matter. we all say him that its his matter solve it at your own.

Please suggest me how can i make him happy or satisfy from what I can do?

Reply from Poorapagal

Well, the thing is that first of all thanks for posting this question. As this might have me talk out about things that I see quite often that happen in families where finances are the issue.

Let’s get down to the answer. Or what I feel about this whole issue.

First answer this:

Your father took care of all of you when you were young, right? If the answer is yes then there should be no second thoughts as to what you need to do. Do you feel your brother is the best person to take the advice from when he is letting down the one person who is the reason he is in this world for I mean would your brother be living today and walking around if your dad hadn’t brought him to US, or let alone didn’t feed him when he was young?

Let’s be realistic, yes money is very important in today’s world, i wouldn’t say your dad did good to increase debt, but what has happened has happened. If you can clearly get through his mind that you are serious when it comes to all issues at home, then the best thing you can do for yourself is to help out like any wonderful daughter would.

Now let’s be even more realistic than before.. how long do we live on this earth? Do you or I have a guarantee that either of us will even wake up tomorrow No, right? Well if that’s the case, then the money saved is good, but will it bring back the sad moments and time you are going through now.

Yes 2000 you are on, 1000 from that to dad is a great gesture, I am sure he is proud of you but doesn’t say it often. But the thing is that, when kids say that “my parents ask me for money, i don’t have any left” the answer should instead be “I have money but no money will ever repay even a second of care they showed me when I was young”

And no i am not trying to say that just do everything being totally blind, what I am suggesting is that sis, first comes family, then anything else. I would never trust a brother or a sister who tells me to go away and stuff my own stomach and see my dad or mum feel bad about any of my actions.

You know there is NO one that can help you if you don’t help yourself. Be your father’s strength and GUIDE him to NOT spend the limited funds you have. Slowly the debt will go away, but in the process, make it the best process ever. Put some guidelines that your dad follows, without making him feel that his ego is hurt.

Marriage, tomorrow and future .. well is a mystery.. it will all solve well.. just stay positive and strong